"Live your life to its fullest...You never know when it's going to end." -R.Q.
Background Illustrations provided by: http://edison.rutgers.edu/

I’ve already angered a group of friends and cut off communication, then I’ve also angered a dear friend that I loved, possibly cutting off communication, and there will be more. It’s going to be easier when no one wants to talk to me.

I don’t deserve any amount of happiness I felt this summer, although minimal, because I stole these miniscule moments through lying and deception because I’m such a piece of shit and a loser and I need to accept it as soon as I can before I let anything go any farther.

It’s really hard to talk to my father about something really difficult when I haven’t seen him all summer. I was supposed to tell him something before the first of June. Here we are, July 21, and my secret is eating me alive inside and I want to tell him before I tell anyone else and it’s really hurting me to the point that if I have a good moment, I begin to tear up because I don’t deserve to feel good nor will the good feeling last.

I’m an asshole, I really am and most people don’t realize it because I’m smiling all the time, but I really do just end up pushing everyone away from me. Sometimes it’s intentional because my selfishness inside me can’t have people around. The worst thing is when I have two different relationships with a single person and by chasing away one, I lost the other as well.